my children are not perfect

by Michelle

my family

Months ago, a friend sincerely said to me, “I’m so sick of reading about your perfect kids!”

I tried not to react. I tried harder not to breathe. Breathing would allow me to cry. I needed to feign professionalism; a tough skin. Bloggers can’t expect the world to love everything they write about except if I’m writing about my children…

Unconsciously, I stopped sharing matters of my daughter’s hearts. I couldn’t bear the idea that my children were being criticized because of the way I write about them. That my love for them could irritate anyone was stunning.

I’ve spent months rehearing, “your perfect kids”. Perfect, perfect, perfect…

Time alone at the farm offered the opportunity for profound clarity. Free from the world’s noise, my thoughts realigned and I’ve sorted it out.

My daughter’s childhoods were glorious to me. Glorious sounds like such a grand word. Not a word that could be used to describe the terror of childbirth, the exhaustion of nursing twin infants, the heartache of a marriage dissolving, the confusion of blending families, the challenges of being a stepmother, the competitive dynamic of three girls the same age or the devastation that settles in when they leave home.

Glorious does describe the joy of safely delivering two healthy baby girls into the world, the comfort of truly raising your children, the magic of falling in love, the success of creating a healthy family, the wonder of loving a child you didn’t birth, the luxury of providing guidance to three remarkable human beings and the understanding that all things change.

I write about my children the same way I live my life. I take care of what needs to be cared for and celebrate the rest. My friend’s comment made me pause and look at the way I see my daughters.

My daughters are not perfect but they are the celebration of my life.

the twins

Thanks for reading.

50 comments

jodywheaton September 4, 2013 - 8:35 am

In my humble opinion, your best blog yet. It takes great courage to write so honestly.

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 8:36 am

It was hard to hit the “publish” button… xo

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Mart Sue McClainu September 4, 2013 - 8:48 am

Beautifully said! I love reading about you and your family. The way you eloquently describe everyday events makes me say, “I want what she’s having!”

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 8:50 am

Thank you for that…

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Anonymous September 4, 2013 - 8:37 am

All three own a part of my heart which of course belongs to you.
FAD

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 8:38 am

xo

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Wayne Harrison September 4, 2013 - 8:51 am

In everything you write, I read love. Love is not perfect but it is wonderful!

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 8:51 am

Well said…xo

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Meaghan September 4, 2013 - 9:52 am

Hmm maybe your friend hasn’t met us? Because we are pretty perfect. Xo beautiful post mama

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 9:56 am

Sweetie, it was more about the way I write about you than what I write about you… It wasn’t a bad thing.

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Meggie September 4, 2013 - 11:07 am

I know! I still think we are perfect, that is what you have always told us!

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 11:23 am

perfectly you…

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Sheila September 4, 2013 - 10:03 am

I agree completely! My two are my joy and a blessing. I loved each stage of childhood, even the dreaded teen years…and now I’m enjoying the friendship of two adults, watching their successes and their struggles. Not perfect! But amazing. And I love knowing that other moms like you are out there, using words like “glorious” to describe childhood! I understand also how words from a friend can really sting. Maybe she was just jealous, and it is her insecurity showing through. Anyway, blessings to you! Glad you sorted it out! ~ Sheila

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 11:05 am

I know that my friend is not malicious or jealous. She feels safe with me. Sometimes safety makes us to brave…

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Kaitie September 4, 2013 - 10:05 am

Look at those faces….I mean COMMON, of course we are perfect 😉 xo

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 11:05 am

you’re funny…xo

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theoddhourkitchen September 4, 2013 - 10:10 am

I love what you have written. I don’t have kids of my own… but I love my sister’s sons like they were mine & I catch myself talking about them constantly. What you have written… “I take care of what needs to be cared for and celebrate the rest.” Its’s beautiful & apt!

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 11:06 am

many thanks!

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Cindy McCallum September 4, 2013 - 11:38 am

I LOVE reading about your daughters, your love for them, and your feelings about them leaving home. I think you also deserve kudos for successfully raising a blended family of three girls all the same age! My interpretation is not that you think they’re perfect, but how much you love them and miss having them at home. I am in almost the same place you are, except that my girls are still in university, and instead of them moving away, we are the ones who moved due to my husband’s job. This past year as a first-time empty-nester has been very difficult, and much sadder than I anticipated.

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 12:07 pm

Cindy, I know this will sound like a platitude but it does get easier…one day at a time.

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Cindy McCallum September 4, 2013 - 12:23 pm

Thanks Michelle 🙂 Lucky
for me, I’m flying to Calgary for a week on Friday to see them! Can’t wait.

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My LIfe After Kids (Kathi) September 4, 2013 - 1:59 pm

I can relate Cindy. I have also moved for my husband’s work and have a few posts on my blog about it. You are not alone!

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Margaret Harvey September 4, 2013 - 11:48 am

Love your post..My children aren’t perfect either,but they own my heart. You said it beautifully.

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 12:08 pm

I love that your children “own your heart” I wish I would have said that!

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Anonymous September 4, 2013 - 11:49 am

Your friend should take lessons from her friend that is a very proud Mom!

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Joe Chase September 4, 2013 - 11:51 am

Your friend should take lessons from her friend on being a VERY PROUD MOM! Praise never hurt anyone.

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 12:10 pm

I think that it’s my responsibility to temper my pride with space between posts…Too much of anything is well – too much. xo

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Linda Stilson September 4, 2013 - 11:52 am

I always love reading about your family and the time you get to spend with your daughters. Keep it up you are an inspiration!

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 12:10 pm

Thanks Linda. I will…

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Tanya September 4, 2013 - 11:54 am

Michelle, I love how you love all three of your girls…I love hearing about them and although have only met them in passing feel like I know them. If I can be half the mother that you are to your girls to mine and raise beautiful, strong, confident women than your sharing has helped me and them. Please don’t stop sharing! Thank you for being a wonderful example of a wife and mom.

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 12:12 pm

Don’t short change yourself Tanya. When I see your beautiful family walking by my home, I’m always so amazed at the joy. You’re doing a GREAT job!

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June Craft September 4, 2013 - 1:03 pm

Well stated, Michelle. Sadly, some people choose to misunderstand the delight we feel for our children despite their flaws. Don’t change. If Momma doesn’t love you, who will?

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 2:10 pm

I love it! Thanks June.

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Tammy September 4, 2013 - 1:04 pm

I knew your girls as young children to teens. They always
had such a wonderful smile to share with anyone they met. Just very loving and kind. I think all moms KNOW their children are not perfect, however sharing the wonderful things they have accomplished and the beautiful strong , young women that they have become is just showing how proud we are. 🙂 As mothers who have that empty nest devastation truly understands your blogs are of how proud you are of them. 🙂

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 2:10 pm

xo

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My LIfe After Kids (Kathi) September 4, 2013 - 2:01 pm

Your children are your joy. Don’t stop writing about them, please.

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bitebymichelle September 4, 2013 - 2:13 pm

Thanks Kathi – I don’t think that I could if I wanted to. It helps me miss them less…

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katiebowden September 4, 2013 - 5:54 pm

Someone once told me that if you haven’t pissed off at least one person, you haven’t said anything at all. It’s hard to put yourself out there and really “say something” when you’re writing – but it’s also necessary if you want what you write to have meaning. Writers are brave, and so are you. Keep on going and ignore the haters. 🙂

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Paulette Seely September 4, 2013 - 6:34 pm

Michelle, I have never known you to be anything but positive and optimistic about most things in life. So I guess it’s only natural to raise your children this way. I have learned that when someone criticizes us it usually means they feel insecure about themselves. Maybe this friend is feeling something lacking in her own parenting. Does this make sense. It sounds so logical inside my head. Not sure if I expressed it right. P s……..my kids are perfect….for me.

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Crystal September 5, 2013 - 7:44 am

Do you think she really meant it in a mean way? Without being there to hear it I can’t say either way. Sometime people say things like that but it’s not meant to be nasty or hurtful. Why don’t you talk to her about it?

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bitebymichelle September 5, 2013 - 8:10 am

She said it very matter-of-factly. Not mean spirited at all which is why it had such a profound effect on me. Had she been nasty, I would have simply blown her off. This isn’t something that needs to be talked about. I processed it, wrote about it and now it’s time to move on.

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marianne beckwith (@mariannebeckwit) September 5, 2013 - 11:32 am

as someone who has been ‘reminded’ of the ten thousand pictures i post on FB of my grandson,i say—no one is forcing you to read or look—–for once I really could care less about anyone’s opinion—‘those who matter,don’t mind,those who mind,don’t matter’ xoxo

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marianne beckwith (@mariannebeckwit) September 5, 2013 - 11:33 am

oh,and I THINK YOUR GIRLS ARE GLORIOUSLY,BEAUTIFULLY,AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL—that sounds about perfect

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bitebymichelle September 5, 2013 - 11:50 am

which is why all three would trade me for you in a heart beat! xo

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bitebymichelle September 5, 2013 - 11:51 am

I love those pictures. Every kid needs a grandmother who adores them…

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marianne beckwith (@mariannebeckwit) September 5, 2013 - 12:06 pm

‘As If’ –( re:trading) lol—and Neil is the light of my life! xox

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Judith September 5, 2013 - 12:34 pm

your blog = perfection.

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bitebymichelle September 5, 2013 - 12:35 pm

xo

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Sue Young September 5, 2013 - 7:31 pm

BUT MY GRANDKIDS ARE VERY, VERY CLOSE TO PERFECT. SUE

The Tasting Spoon-Sue Young 4310 Glencoe Ave #8, Marina del Rey, CA 90292 310.306.8851 sue@tastingspoon.com

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pear crisps and a Halloween treat tucked in a suitcase | bite October 17, 2013 - 8:59 am

[…] typed away, whatever musings were swirling around in my head, figuring my only readers would be the girls. And for months, along with a couple of my closest friends and Dad, that’s what […]

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